America has always prized strength. From our soldiers and athletes to our business leaders and parents, we admire people who can keep their cool when life turns up the heat. But heres a truth we dont talk about enough: strength isnt the absence of emotion: Its the ability to master it.For too long, weve equated toughness with never showing feelings. But holding down emotions doesnt make us strong it makes us brittle. True grit means knowing how to harness emotions, such as anger, fear and sadness, so that they fuel perseverance rather than sabotage it.Research shows that emotions are not a choice theyre built into the human brain and body. Neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp demonstrated that "core emotions" like anger and fear are hardwired survival responses. They help us avert danger and assert ourselves wisely. At UCLA, psychologist Matthew Liebermans research found that naming emotions plays a role in emotional regulation. This small act calms the brains threat response, which strengthens self-control.7 STEPS TO SUPER-AGING ARE KEY TO LIVING A LONGER, MORE FULFILLING LIFE, EXPERTS SAYAccording to these researchers, emotional mastery isnt about suppressing feelings; its about using them strategically. Its this skill set that makes good pilots steady, leaders decisive and fathers patient.Take Richard, for example, a 45-year-old man who came to therapy for depression. Beaten as a child, Richard had burning rage toward his father for the abuse he endured. Without someone to help him name and work through his justified anger, Richard expressed his fury in actions. He bullied other kids; it was the only way he knew how to let off steam.Another former patient, Ben, got into trouble at work and took his emotions out on his kids. He yelled at them and criticized their mistakes. Underneath his anger, Ben felt a deep sadness and fear, but his parents never taught him how to work through these emotions, so they came out sideways. FAMILY BREAKUPS OVER POLITICS MAY HURT MORE THAN YOU THINK, EXPERT SAYSBoth Ben and Richard had learned messages that made them push away their emotions, instead of dealing with them directly. As a result, they had less self-control, not more. Every American success story is powered by perseverance. And not one of us can persevere without emotional grit.The Harvard Adult Development Study the longest-running study of human thriving found that people who flourish dont avoid their feelings. Rather, they know how to regulate them and stay connected under stress. BACK-TO-SCHOOL SADNESS CAN SLAM PARENTS, TOO. HERE'S HOW TO HANDLE ITDiscouragement, frustration and fear are what make people quit. Grit means knowing how to face those feelings, manage them and keep going. Emotional skills are the backbone of perseverance.While emotional intelligence helps us thrive in every domain of life, society doesnt equip us with education in emotions. I teach a tool called the Change Triangle, a simple map for working with emotions. It shows us how to move from being hijacked by anxiety, shame or rage back toward strength, clarity and calm. When irritability rises, the Change Triangle helps us ask: Whats underneath? Fear? Sadness? Frustration? Once identified, we can troubleshoot these emotions by working through them, which empowers us to respond with strategy instead of freak-outs. 5 WAYS YOUR POLITICAL POINT OF VIEW MAY BE DAMAGING YOUR MENTAL HEALTHIts a playbook for life one that transforms raw emotion into disciplined action.The American Dream has never been about ease. Its about building something great despite obstacles. Emotional mastery is the hidden fuel that helps us achieve our dreams. CLICK HERE FOR MORE FOX NEWS OPINIONIt gives young men the steadiness to build reputations on reliability, not volatility.During trying times, America doesnt need more "snowflakes." We need strong, resilient leaders, parents and helpers who can tap into the brilliant data that emotions provide. Anger tells us weve been violated. Fear helps us avoid true threats. Sadness helps us mourn unbearable losses. This know-how doesnt weaken the human spirit; it fortifies it. Tragedy and hard times befall us all, and its the ability to handle these emotions that makes us unbreakable.CLICK HERE TO READ MORE FROM HILARY JACOBS HENDEL