I Should Be Happy: The Source of All Unhappiness

“I should be happy.”

Such a seemingly innocent thought. And one that  most of us wouldn’t even think to question.

But according to the Indian spiritual teacher J. Krishnamurti, this single belief is the very root of our unhappiness.

“I should be happy; the source of your unhappiness.” 

What does he mean by this?

The moment we believe we should be happy –  that happiness is a requirement for us to feel good about ourselves, a sign that our lives are on track – we create a painful internal split.

We reject our actual experience in favour of an idealised version of how we believe things should be.

And whenever we resist what IS, we create suffering.

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 ‘I Should Be Happy’ – The Belief That Keeps Us Trapped

Similar to Krishnamurti’s quote above, the Jesuit Priest, Anthony de Mello said:

The habit of unconsciously slapping a ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ label on unpleasant feelings and emotions is the root cause of our suffering.

But here’s the truth: it’s perfectly natural not to feel positive, up or happy all the time.

Happiness, like every emotion, is a passing cloud. It comes and goes. It is not a fixed state, a finishing line to cross, a confirmation that you’re “doing life right.”

Just like the weather outside, our inner weather is in a constant state of flux – as it’s meant to be.

When we believe we should be happy, we resist the natural flow of life – and suffer as a result.

You don’t suffer because you are unhappy. You suffer because you believe you shouldn’t be.

Another quote I love from JJ Krishnamurti is the following:

“This is my secret. I don’t mind what happens.”

This is a profound statement. 

It means that internally, he had no inner resistance to however each moment unfolded – whether it was pleasant or unpleasant. This is the key to lasting peace.

If you don’t mind what happens, your peace becomes unshakeable.

Easier said than done.

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Discover the simple reason why most attempts to free ourselves from unhappiness are doomed to fail? And why, until you see through these 7 false beliefs about the mind, there will likely be no end to your search for peace and happiness.

True Freedom Starts With Acceptance

True happiness – not the fleeting emotional high that comes and goes, but a deep and quiet contentment under all circumstances – arises when we stop resisting our present moment experience.

Peace happens when we let go of the demand to feel any particular way, and instead allow each moment to be just as it is.

This includes sadness, boredom, confusion, even despair.

What if these so-called negative experiences weren’t barriers to our happiness, problems to fix… but simply self-arising clouds passing momentarily across the sky of our awareness?

What if you no longer saw them as bad or wrong… just a perfectly natural and unavoidable part of the human experience? What if they didn’t say anything about who you are as a person?

What would happen to your sadness or your boredom if you didn’t judge it – didn’t mind it being there?

My teacher once put it beautifully:

“My experience is that I don’t care what my experience is.”

This isn’t a statement of indifference, rather of deep peace and understanding – a recognition that the ever-changing weather of thoughts, emotions, and sensations don’t disturb the sky of awareness in which they appear… unless you let them through your resistance.

They don’t touch the real you.

When we drop the need for things to be different – stop fighting what is – we become still… and a deep, unchanging peace begins to emerge from within.

We see happiness and unhappiness as temporary events passing across the vast sky of our awareness.

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The Paradox: Happiness Happens When You Stop Chasing It

Herein lies the paradox: the more you demand to be happy, the more unhappy you become.

But the moment you allow unhappiness to be there, without resistance, a profound shift takes place.

The moment you stop trying to fix the things you believe are making you unhappy – the sadness, the boredom, the frustration – and instead, allow them to be there just as they are – a Still, Silent Presence begins to reveal itself from within.

You begin to notice that beneath the surface of every emotion is a still, spacious awareness that is always present, always at peace.

This is your natural state.

You begin to shift your focus away from the content – the ever-changing thoughts, feelings and emotions which are sometimes pleasant, sometimes unpleasant – onto the unchanging context – the awareness that is ever happy, ever at peace.

Peace and happiness aren’t ‘things’ you can reach through effort. They are already here, hidden by the mind’s insistence that things should be other than they are.

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Who Is the Unhappy One?

This brings us to the deeper invitation:

Who is the one that is unhappy?

This question, central to the path of Self-Enquiry, cuts to the root of suffering.

Normally, when unhappiness appears, the mind quickly claims it: “I am unhappy.”

But who or what is this “I”? Is it the fleeting emotion of unhappiness? The storyline attached to it? Or is it something deeper?

If you look closely, you’ll see that unhappiness is a feeling – a mood which comes and goes. 

If you are unhappy, you are aware you’re unhappy. The same if you are happy. 

Emotions, feelings and moods change. But awareness remains constant, always the same 

Your true Self, another word for Awareness,  does not suffer.  It doesn’t judge what arises. It is not affected by the duality of happiness and unhappiness. It is simply aware.

Self-awareness and self-knowledge are the real keys to inner peace (happiness comes and goes but peace is ever present).

When we see unhappiness as a passing cloud rather than a reflection of who we are, suffering dissolves. Not because anything has been fixed or resolved – but because it’s no longer being resisted by a personal self who believes it shouldn’t be there.

A New Relationship With Experience

We don’t choose our moment to moment experience.

Thoughts, feelings and emotions are self-arising.

Some moments are pleasant. Some are unpleasant.

That’s just how it is.

Peace and happiness don’t come from trying to manufacture pleasant experiences. This is like trying to iron the ocean.

They come from no longer labelling what spontaneously arises as good, bad, right, wrong, desirable or undesirable – craving some experiences and rejecting others.

This will create a perpetual split within you and continued suffering.

The invitation is to to welcome every part of your inner world… as if you chose it. Or, as my teacher used to say, to roll out the red carpet.

Imagine living like this:

• Experiencing unhappiness without judgement.
• Experiencing sadness without making it wrong.
• Letting life unfold without trying to control it.
• Seeing that everything is perfect just as it is.

This is freedom. This is peace.

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The End of the Inner War

When you drop the belief “I should be happy,” you stop resisting life as it is. And in that surrender, the inner war ends.

What remains is Silence. Stillness – a spacious Presence that can contain every experience without grasping or being disturbed by any of them.

You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to chase a better state.

You just need to dive beneath the surface commotion of the mind to uncover the one that is aware, without preference.

Freedom Is Already Here

So the next time you hear the thought, “I should be happy,” pause.

Take a breath. Don’t resist it. Don’t believe it. Just notice it.

See that it’s an old, outworn belief you can now let go of.

Embrace the experience of unhappiness, knowing that the one who is aware has never been unhappy.

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